Slapping Dawkins
"This book is too old! It can't be that much" Yes and the idiot brigade strikes me effortlessly out again. The above was immediately followed by, "I'm sorry but I'm just going to get it up the road at Borders".
First of all: If you're not buying the book stop fingering it. You'll scuff it & devalue it & it's just badmannered.
Second of all: Stop glaring at me as if I took your daughters virginity; I know I make up the prices but I make them up according to a specific set of rules and in any case she should be so lucky. In all likelihood I wouldn't touch her with someone elses.
Finally: Just get out. Use the two brain cells you have to rub together enough motion to just get out the door. After that you're someone else's problem. Not the bar around the corner because I go there andwould prefer never to see your face again.
"It is a bit steep sir, I agree," I gingerly take back the offending article, "Though may I suggest Foyles rather than Borders? The staff there are so much more knowledgeable about these things."
The thing about bookshops & I'm not sure if I've mentioned saying this before is that the perfect bookshop has no customers in it. I'm not saying I don't want to sell any books but I really wish there were a vetting process for really rare & beautiful books that you had to sell. Selling a new book is just so much of a different process. Selling something rare that you have cared for, restored, read, kept on your shelf, investigated the history of, feel close to... A new book is one among millions that you can ship to anyone of a discerning palate. You're not necessarily selling a book as you are selling your customer the time to read that particular book. Don't get me wrong, the contents are important, but in only so far as the text goes.
A rare book. Something of which maybe only 1,500 was printed. Of which most have rotted away due to awful paper standards and worse bindings. The dustjacket still entirely intact. With a rare book every square micometer of anything visible or not is important and noticed. Filed away in the booksellers memory for future reference. If it's a good book or even a very good book, not just a big title or name like Woolf or Salinger, its rarity becomes sharper. An object almost worthy of worship. Iconic. Think Jimi Hendrix 1968 Fender Stratocaster.
Perhaps for the rest of the world this is not so. But I don't walk into mosques & churches & monasteries proclaiming loudly the futility of their religion. Or slap Richard Dawkins in the face for being Richard Dawkins. Live & let live, I say. I once had an argument with God in a church at full volume but She was the only one around. It's not important that someone doesn't believe in what a book does, what's important is that I do. I want to slap Dawkins in the face because I believe he's well intentioned but I respectfully sell his books & get paid for doing so brimming with good vibrations. It's the only way to get a customer to come back so's I can set them on the right track.
Finally here's a bookseller story I heard somewhere:
Boy walks up to a bookseller & asks if he has a book in stock. Bookseller isn't entirely sure he heard right so asks the boy to repeat the title he's looking for.
Boy: Do you have the Lion the Witch & the Warzone?
Bookseller (sighing heavily): Young man the book I'm going to sell you is considerably less interesting than the one you have in mind.
First of all: If you're not buying the book stop fingering it. You'll scuff it & devalue it & it's just badmannered.
Second of all: Stop glaring at me as if I took your daughters virginity; I know I make up the prices but I make them up according to a specific set of rules and in any case she should be so lucky. In all likelihood I wouldn't touch her with someone elses.
Finally: Just get out. Use the two brain cells you have to rub together enough motion to just get out the door. After that you're someone else's problem. Not the bar around the corner because I go there andwould prefer never to see your face again.
"It is a bit steep sir, I agree," I gingerly take back the offending article, "Though may I suggest Foyles rather than Borders? The staff there are so much more knowledgeable about these things."
The thing about bookshops & I'm not sure if I've mentioned saying this before is that the perfect bookshop has no customers in it. I'm not saying I don't want to sell any books but I really wish there were a vetting process for really rare & beautiful books that you had to sell. Selling a new book is just so much of a different process. Selling something rare that you have cared for, restored, read, kept on your shelf, investigated the history of, feel close to... A new book is one among millions that you can ship to anyone of a discerning palate. You're not necessarily selling a book as you are selling your customer the time to read that particular book. Don't get me wrong, the contents are important, but in only so far as the text goes.
A rare book. Something of which maybe only 1,500 was printed. Of which most have rotted away due to awful paper standards and worse bindings. The dustjacket still entirely intact. With a rare book every square micometer of anything visible or not is important and noticed. Filed away in the booksellers memory for future reference. If it's a good book or even a very good book, not just a big title or name like Woolf or Salinger, its rarity becomes sharper. An object almost worthy of worship. Iconic. Think Jimi Hendrix 1968 Fender Stratocaster.
Perhaps for the rest of the world this is not so. But I don't walk into mosques & churches & monasteries proclaiming loudly the futility of their religion. Or slap Richard Dawkins in the face for being Richard Dawkins. Live & let live, I say. I once had an argument with God in a church at full volume but She was the only one around. It's not important that someone doesn't believe in what a book does, what's important is that I do. I want to slap Dawkins in the face because I believe he's well intentioned but I respectfully sell his books & get paid for doing so brimming with good vibrations. It's the only way to get a customer to come back so's I can set them on the right track.
Finally here's a bookseller story I heard somewhere:
Boy walks up to a bookseller & asks if he has a book in stock. Bookseller isn't entirely sure he heard right so asks the boy to repeat the title he's looking for.
Boy: Do you have the Lion the Witch & the Warzone?
Bookseller (sighing heavily): Young man the book I'm going to sell you is considerably less interesting than the one you have in mind.
